I was about to leave the office today when I ran into the manager of a team I work closely with, and because seeing each other in-person is a rare occasion these days, we got to chatting. We went back-and-forth a bit about work stuff, and then eventually he asked me what "level" in the company I was. When I didn't have the slightest clue what he was talking about, he gave me an overview of how our company's employee promotion system works and listed some of the reasons I should speak with my manager about a promotion or at least have a candid conversation about the increased level of responsibility I've taken on at the company.
I generally agreed with what he was saying. My manager was out on maternity leave for the last six months, and as a result, I had to step up and take on far more responsibility in the company than someone with my job description should be taking on. It was a messy six months to navigate, but I believe I performed very well, and I even took on a few extra projects that were outside my job function but suited my skillset well. My friend had a point; I would be justified in having that promotion conversation with my manager.
But the strangest thing happened as I tried to respond to him. I nodded my head in agreement and opened my mouth up to say the phrase, "I deserve it." But no sound came out. Nothing. I couldn't say the sentence. I froze and stammered a few incoherent syllables, but I could not get those words out.
It'd be a bit extreme to say the whole incident "scared me," but it certainly highlighted some of the improvements I can still make in being fair to myself. I was raised in a household that taught me to be happy with what I had rather than asking for more, but I really need to stop reflexively associating "asking for more" with "being greedy." The two are not synonymous, and if I keep treating them like synonyms, I'm probably going to get taken advantage of or overlooked for opportunities quite a bit throughout my career. I may not ever be the most assertive man on the team, but I can at least learn to be more fair to myself when I deserve something. I can at least learn to admit I deserve it.
Comments