I like to travel to places alone. It's not that I don't like being with my friends; I love a good weekend trip and really value every chance I get to settle in for a full day or two with someone I'm close with. But there's one fact I've realized that I really can't get out of my mind whenever I'm planning trips.
I do cooler things when I'm alone.
I'm not really talking about trips where you definitively seek out a cool thing to do. I've seen the Grand Canyon and hiked Angels Landing and raced across the Bonneville Salt Flats all in the company of friends, and they're all really valuable memories to me. What I'm talking about here are the moments where you unexpectedly stumble into something that sends chills up your spine when you least expect it. Walking around a pitch-black and silent Blenheim Palace. Cliff jumping at a mountain-top swimming hole tucked away in Sequoia National Park. Driving through an abandoned rail line in the middle of the California desert at midnight. Walking through Donner Summit's Tunnel 6 without another soul in sight. Napping high up in the Swiss Alps after a grueling nine-mile hike. Sprinting through the canals of Venice at 2 am trying to catch my bus. All of these are really freaking cool memories for me that not only occurred while I was alone but that I'm not sure I would have had if I was with other people.
So why is that? Why do I feel like I have cooler experiences while I'm alone? Am I just totally biased towards my solo memories, or is there really something to this?
I think there's really something to this.
For starters, when you're traveling with other people, you're likely talking most of the time. And conversation is great. But conversation also keeps your ears from being open to the world around you and keeps your eyes from noticing as many cool alleyways in the city or unmarked trails in the park. When you're focused on the conversation, you're by definition not as focused on the environment you're in even though paying close attention to where you are can reveal a lot of cool things you never expected to find.
But I think the bigger factor comes down to how groups choose what activities to do. When you suggest an activity to your friends, whether you like it or not, you sort of get held accountable for the success or failure of that activity. If you suggest a cool hike and your friends love it, you're a hero. If you suggest a sketchy pizza place and it gives everyone E. coli, you're an idiot. Most people don't like being an idiot, so when they're suggesting things to do with their friends, they go for safe, proven activities. They don't want to ruin the night.
But the really cool moments come from the riskiest activities. The bigger the group, the less likely you are to choose those risky activities, which means the less likely you're going to have those proper cool experiences.
And on top of that, whenever you're in a group of friends, it's really hard (at least for me) to say what I actually want to do. Next time I go to New York City, one of the things I desperately want to see is the Jim Henson exhibit at the Museum of the Moving Image in Queens. I would simply never pitch that to friends I was traveling with. I would say we should go to Central Park. Everyone likes Central Park. I'm sure one of my friends would rather spend the afternoon at a super hyped new pizza place in Chelsea. And I'm sure one of my other friends would rather do a history walk in Harlem. But instead we have a fine picnic in Central Park.
When I'm traveling in a group, I pick activities based on the HCD: the highest common denominator. I pick what's generally agreeable with everybody. But that usually doesn't mean I'll be doing things that I personally find really cool. I might find them enjoyable. But they don't make my spine tingle.
When I'm traveling alone, there's nobody to negotiate with. If I think something will be fun and I want to do it, I just do it. And that pays off.
I'm never gonna be a hermit. I'm never going to abandon my friends. I'm always going to enjoy having the company of others to share some really cool places with. But I'm also always going to love exploring new places on my own too, and I think there's a measurable benefit to this in the number of cool experiences you end up having.
Comments