I don't get them.
I don't mean that in an "I don't understand them" way. I mean I physically just don't get them.
It seems like every cross-country runner or gym rat I knew in high school always had some majestic metaphor on-hand to describe the euphoric surge in their veins after a long race or workout. A few months ago, I tried to think if there was ever a time in my life where I felt that same endorphin rush after completing something physically challenging, and I was pretty surprised when I drew a total blank. I don't think it's any problem with the sample size; my life never revolved around athletics, but I was a varsity basketball player and state-ranked tennis player, so it's not like I'm a total stranger to physically demanding things (admittedly, that statement is much more heavily weighted toward the basketball than the tennis). But I was good at those sports because I thought they were fun, and if I think something is fun, then I'm going to want to get good at it. It was never a "let's rev up this bag of bones and see what it's fully capable of" mindset.
I just don't get very motivated by physical accomplishments, as much as I wish I did. I hike because I like to see beautiful places, not because I love proving to myself what I'm capable of. I love sports because I think they're fun games, not because I like the triumphant feeling of pushing my body to its limit.
In other words, I'm a pretty lame athlete. I feel almost like an imposter.
That definitely isn't to say I'm lazy. I exercise or workout in one form or another for around an hour every morning. But I do that out of discipline and the fear of one day not being in shape, not really motivation. I'm really quite jealous of those that feel that gravitational pull towards fitness. If there's anything worth devoting time to as a long-term commitment, I think it's your personal health and well-being. But if I'm going to continue to stay in 5-on-5 basketball shape and slowly fill out the 6'5" frame I'm now stuck with, it will have to be much more a function of discipline rather than endorphins. I guess if the end result is the same, does it really matter?
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